So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's never too late to be topless.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Everclear isn't food dammit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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