I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
