Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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