My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
