Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
