I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
