we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
