I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
