Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
