your thong is hanging out like whoa
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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