uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
