You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
