it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
