it hurts more in the daytime
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
