I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
