Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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