You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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