the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
