I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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