I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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