i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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