Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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