meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
