in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
