So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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