My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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