I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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