He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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