She's JV to your varsity
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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