so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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