First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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