The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
