Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
