So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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