I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
