When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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