Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize