I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
