I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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