I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
