Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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