Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
