you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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