How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
