My Higher Power is John Stamos
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
