you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
