so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
