I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
