My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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