my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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