I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
