They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
