so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
