You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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