i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
