just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bring me that man meat
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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