Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
