I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
