Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
