New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
