On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
