okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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