when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
