All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
