I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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