i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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