textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
