the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
