theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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